So here I am back on the stairs, I can't tell once again if I went up a few more or back down again since all I see here are stairs everywhere. That I am left to ponder being wrapped in many thoughts as I stare out over the unknown horizon that I realize that things maybe twisted and a little off center right now but they are as good as they can be for this time. I can't help but to feel we are still young and with each generation trying to relearn the past and move on from history's mistakes, I am sure that it will take sometime before we are able to get a grasp on the situations at large. I can't explain why we fight but over a soul that has been taken into a place where beliefs of one person needs to be right and another one has to be wrong. No one wants to lose or give up anything and the pieces of love get mixed and twisted in this perpective. When we can start to see that we are the deeds of our hearts and that when something else holds value that other must strive for it. What is beautiful is also ugly to others. Everything cannot be the same to everyone, so I am left with another problem at this point as well. Though there has always been war for one reason or another due to the cause of basic understanding for more. How emotions and way they are displayed tend to need some work from the various places I've visited. There is a strong feeling of stillness in the air these days when one realizes that the glory of their youthful days are now past yet the feeling of knowing the limits of the world seem to just have been held up to the light for the first time. That we are just one person against the many unforseen things that life will come to bring up. Though I can't help when you get near the basic elements of life there can only the thought that going foward maybe a giant step backwards somewhere, somehow. How long will these glory dark days last? When we try to work through our lives just living it while other that think they are doing right or what must be done are leading the rest of us into the seemly unknown. Not that I trying to give any discouragement over the ways of our society but really when you break it down, it might as well be a confindence game. We believe in those people to keep things going and they need us to keep this society going on. For so many years I thought I wanted to distrupt this system but there are so many that would be lost without it. In no situation have I've come to the understanding that losing a life under any situation should be tolerated. There just isn't enough extreme for such a cause and that is what I maybe think it is with what I see in people. Most people are waiting around for something to happen because perhaps maybe we retain the notion that generation and generation before us have always lived with the understanding that life could change at any second. Only in a modern type of society that I see people just lay around and with the only thing left to worry about is being bored. A privilage always, never to be taken lightly from me. Though it comes to me that evolution will be a form of knowing how to understand our emotions better and that the average of masses will no longer fight over pride of what is right or wrong. I've also seen the people out there who I'll call the doomsayers, I'm sure if you talked to enough people in your life that they are type that needs to be extreme in their negativity. People get down, people need to feel that way but projecting a sense of true pain unto other is something that lacks emotional intelligence. I know they hope for a world crisis so they can see everyone finally put away their differences and work together to either go down as one race or work together to improve things. I believed in these things too once and it is a easy way out solution. One that doesn't take anything but to draw upon the basic instincts to understand. Though I don't have any true solutions to the world at large, all I can do is improve the joy and love around those whom are in my life. I will protect nature and do all that I can, one person may not be enough to change must but that person doesn't need to be subjected to the subconscious collective out there. So here I could go into how everyone wants to be themselves but there really isn't anything unique out there, once and a great while you might something for awhile but honestly when you wander the world, you pick up the subconscious and the way of the world you wanted to have... the ways how people want you to think and act slowly grind away the rare character that one creates from all the things they experince. If one spent all their time in the beauty of life without the pain or understanding that things just don't go right, one will feel the peace of life without the main worries that bring about in this place. I honestly don't know anyone out there has been able to avoid and protect themselves from the society that is a beast that constantly runs them down to be weary to give into the beast before them. And with that the beast takes hold of you and that is when you experince a sleep, where you work and do everything on autopilot realize one day you are years older looking back on things and wondering where it went. The beast cannot be stopped and will only go away if you give in or you give up trying. Like Timothy Leary who said give up everything, give up television and news... because it shapes you minds and takes you away from the natural self of being. If life had enlightment, all I see would be festivals and fields where everyone takes their place and continues to work. Life is simple but it would have all the understanding of what the modern world would have. But it is always hard to factor the human experince into these things, we can endure and take so much, constantly changing who we are and becoming nothing like what we have planned. How perhaps if I very indepth to certain theories of math and variables of human nature there could be something writen in a way that few could speak. So as I look at things now, perhaps I didn't proceed as far as I wanted to on these stairs before but I've up since where I first started. That afterall, I was born, rised until I knew I was conscious and then had to teach myself how to be the person I was today. I am behind most because guidence always makes a difference in anyone life. Words are important and timing is key but that is the age we live in. So evolution and enlightment in these I find my strength to travel the unknown by myself, searching for other who know and see life for what it is worth as well. That finally as I continue to stare out over the unknown horizon, it will always be unknown and that is the part of life one must accept. You just can't plan something but you can have a ace in the hole maybe. So if this made any sense, that I am glad and perhaps you have crazed as I am for having read this. Finally I send my love, understanding and peace to all those I have not met or those would curse me for what I am. Love lifts me to a place where there is no past, no future and only the present, a nothingness to be able to embrace everything that is in this life. A true constant feeling of a slow rush of always smelling the roses.